REVEALING MYSELF — Books close to my heart and soul

Hello Darlings!

Today I will be getting personal and tell you with which books you can look into my soul.

Basically I’ll be talking about myself but in BOOKS.

Some of those are close to me because of sentimental reasons, others made me realise something about myself or let me see myself in them.

I hope you’ll like getting to know me a little bit more!

on a sunbeam by tillie walden

41433658._SX318_This book is about the loneliness, lost chances, not knowing what you really want from life and slowly building your world one day at a time.

It’s about hapiness and sadness coexisting inside you and about making stupid mistakes. About being overwhelmed by life and about jumping right into things without a thought just to feel something.

It’s the melancholy and a bonfire. A goodbye and a hello.

kate daniels series by ilona andrews

magic bleedsThis series is a series I’m very sentimental about while still recognising the many flaws.

The MC is a fellow Slav and her no-bullshit attitude is something I tried to emulate a lot. But it’s also about making your own family of misifts and that’s the trope I would die for.

The worldbuilding is one of the best I’ve read as well! In the near future Magic comes back and the world fluctates between it and Technology.

radio silence by alice oseman

radio silence I related to the Frances so much I’m glad I had this on audiobook because it would be difficult to read sometimes.

I also used my academic archivements as the only thing defining me and never let people in my life get to know the me beyond that. Being known is scary even without the coming out part but with it it’s terrifying.

Not to mention, revealing the parts you hide even from yourself. Sometimes we get so caught up in living up to people’s expectations we lose the sight of what we really want from life and what brings us joy.

the starless sea by erin morgenstern

the starless seaMorgenstern shows the ultimate love to the books and stories here. Zachary is a classical reader. We think that as readers we would be prepared to face a story but then Zachary overthinks every step and waits for the decision to be made for him of for more clues but then he also jumps in in the last moment because he fears the story will leave him behind.

I think that’s much better representation of people who live their lives through books and it also describes me perfectly. Am I proud of it? Not really. But do I relate? Hell yes.

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire sáenz 

12000020There’s a lot of loneliness in this book.

Ari doesn’t feel like he fits in with other boys or his family. He doesn’t know where he belongs.

I’m a lonely person. All of my friends are online because I never know how to fit in or how to let myself be vulnerable and chance having people let me down.

Reading this book had me latching onto this emptiness and making it mine but also sharing it just a little.

how to repair a mechanical heart by j.c. lillis

16102490 I love this book because it tackles homophobia in religious spaces and fetishisation in fandom but it also has a lighter side of a roadtrip, fan conventions, and a love story.

It shows that even though we often want to speak up and contest homophobia and talk back it’s not that easy and simply living our lives is radical enough.

It also shows that homophobia doesn’t have to appear brutal. Sometimes it’s people closest to you calmly telling you you’re wrong and that hurts as well.

the art of escaping by erin callahan

escapingI think this is the first time I read a book focused on social anxiety. It felt so amazing to have it taken seriously and not dismissed as just being shy.

Mattie has one friend and when that friend leaves her for summer she has a choice of shutting herself home or chancing it and following her passion of escapology. I would go with the former, and in fact did many times, but she puts herself out there and gives me hope.

She starts off with a stage personality, or in other words ‘fake it till you make it’ and slowly gains more and more confidence.

the brilliant death by amy rose capetta

43289134Teodora here is forced to be a stand in for her brother to answer the king’s summons and by shapeshifting into a man she also explores her gender.

It made me realise I may also not be in the binary box.

I don’t feel dysphoria with being a woman or being called one but on the other hand, I experience euphoria assuming more male or gender neutral roles, way of dressing, etc. and would love to be able to shapeshift from time to time.

mrs. dalloway by virginia woolf

14942. sy475 The one time I read a book for my university course and thought ‘hell yeah this is me here’ was this book.

It’s about a bisexual older woman with mental health issues (probably under the rest cure) throwing a party and remiscending about her past and all what is lost. There’s also a man with PTSD who is set as a parallel to her but I digress here. The point is — I got to read a book about a bisexual woman with mental health issues written by a bisexual woman with mental health issues and it counted for my grade. A great feeling.

h.ch. andersen’s fairy tales

88179 This is the book I used to love and hate! Of course, it definitely wasn’t this edition — my edition was in Polish and got ruined years ago after it went through too many hands.

I remember my mother reading it to me so often I could correct her when she had made a mistake! But also H.Ch. Andersen’s books are not known for happy endings and I was always ready to fight him on those!! So, after the finished story I used to spend hours on imagining my own version of how the day could be saved! I owe this book my imagination.

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  • What books do you associate yourself with and why?
  • Have you read any of those I mentioned?

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20 thoughts on “REVEALING MYSELF — Books close to my heart and soul”

  1. This is such a beautiful post omagash ! I’m happy for you that you could find so many books that are close to you and represent you in a way, I don’t think I have any. Or maybe just this one – Panopticon by Jenni Fagan. I read it when I was in Vancouver for 1 month – the first time I was away from my family and boyfriend for so long and so far ! -, I was very depressed then and I picked up this book about a girl who has mental health issues and doesn’t fit. She’s not your average girl, she is deeply traumatized. I related to her feeling of being a foreign. Also, reading at this time of my life was a real comfort so I care deeply about his particular book !

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    1. Thank you, Emma! I’m pretty sure I still omitted some but I’m proud of this little list 😀 I haven’t heard about this novel but it seems like an intense sad read — hope you’ll find something happier to relate to in the future but I’m glad it brought you comfort when you needed it most! Being lonely is not easy! ❤

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  2. Oh my god your writing is phenomenal. This post was so beautiful.

    I also associate myself with Radio Silence, only with Aled. His struggles with Daniel and coming out as Demisexual was something I felt cut to my soul. It was actually one of the first books I ever read with Demi rep and it helped me define part of who I am!

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    1. Thank you so much!! I’m really happy to hear you enjoyed it!

      Oh, Aled was an amazing character as well! I’m glad you found something of yourself in him 🙂 I think I read one book with a demisexual character before that? In Signs of Love series by Anyta Sunday — I think it was 3rd book. But Radio Silence still hits harder for me!

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  3. Lovely post ❤ Radio Silence is important to me as well, but for a different reason. It was a special read for me to see a strong friendship between a boy and girl, like that of myself and my best friend. Also the demi rep was a big :O for me, haha.

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  4. I love this post! Also the Kate Daniels series! It has been forever since I’ve read it though! Radio Silence has been on my TBR for quite a bit!

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    1. Thank you!! I’ve reread it last year, I think? Or two years back? I’m on the paranormal kick right now so maybe I’ll pick it up later. Radio Silence is so good!! If you’re into audiobooks the audiobook is amazing as well!!

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  7. Such a wonderful and personal post, E! Thanks for sharing it with us 💜 You descriptions of so many of these books makes me want to read them right away because I have a feeling I will be able to connect with them for those same reasons. The loneliness…. The loneliness and the irony that we’re not alone in that loneliness, especially when I read posts like this!

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    1. Thank you so much, Dini! It means a lot! ❤ Yes, the loneliness feels so personal that we sometimes forget that it's a very human experience and I love that there are books that remind us we're not so alone in it!! Read them for sure!! I hope you'll enjoy them as much as I did!!

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    1. Thank you! Yes, and I’m amazed at how many parts of me I found reflected in different books! That’s wonderful!! I hope you’ll love it as much as I did! Also, the audiobook’s narrator has a stunning voice! 🙂

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  10. This is a wonderful post, E! To have books that are close to your soul are the best feelings ever. Ari & Dante is also my all-time favourite and I just loveee the way it speaks to my soul.

    I still need to read Radio Silence and The Starless Sea though 😅

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